My story starts when I was about sixteen years old, and I was not doingall that well.I had been struggling with my gender for as long as I could remember, butit seemed like lately I could not fight any more, and cross-dressedwhenever I could. Finally, I had reached a point where I wondered wheremy faith in God had gone, and having prayed to have this need taken fromme for years without an answer, I reached the conclusion I was a lostcause.This led me to having a scary moment where I had a bottle of pills onbed, and I was trying to figure out how many would kill me, since takingtoo many would just make me sick. After more than an hour of looking atthe pills and fighting my natural instinct to stay alive, I gave up, andput the pills back in their bottle, and shook with agony and grief untilI fell asleep.The next day, I went out to a quiet field behind my house, sat down, andlooked up in the sky.Then I started screaming.I shouted as loudly as I could, calling God every name I could. Linda just beat out Keith, coming in 3rd 3 of the 5 times. And poor Keith, we all had a blast ribbing him that he had been beat by a girl that did not even have her learner’s permit yet.We played the arcade games for a bit, and seeing it was dark we each hit the bathroom then hopped back in the car. No other words were said, we knew where we were going. We were barely out of the parking lot and Holly and Keith were laying down in the back seat, giving each other mouth to mouth resuscitation I think. And since dad’s car was an automatic, I did not even have to let go of Linda’s hand to shift gears.Linda looked puzzled at me when I pulled off on the road that went by the Japanese Garden, but then smiled when I kept going. I smiled back, knowing that she felt as I did, that it was our “special spot”. But a little ways further I pulled off on another road and drove us to a large parking lot. I had discovered this before but forgotten it, it was basically the community radio controlled.
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